Shayna and Minna's 21 Mile Walk

How to not be an asshole in the grocery store (during a global pandemic and beyond)

I’m sorry to say (actually not that sorry tbh) that I am no longer working at Andy’s Local Market. I ended up getting a summer internship with the Jewish Federation of San Francisco and decided that getting paid San Francisco minimum wage to lay in bed on my computer all day would be much better than getting paid Marin minimum wage to bag groceries for the Marin moms of the world (no offense). Well I shouldn’t say no offense because this blog post is going to get real offensive. But if you’re offended by it then you deserve it and you need to take a serious look at yourself. Although it’s been a month or two since I last worked at Andy’s, I still have the receipt where I would write down all the annoying things customers did. I knew they would come in handy for a blog one day and today is that day. I present to you: How to not be an asshole in the grocery store (during a global pandemic and beyond). And yes, these are all based on real life events. I know! Shocking!

1. Do not pull your mask down so that your face can be read by your IPhone. Trust me, I love Apple Pay as much as the next guy. But pulling your mask below your chin so that your phone can read your face is just not the move during a pandemic. In fact, pulling your mask down when you’re inside and less than six feet away from the cashier defeats the whole point of wearing the mask in the first place and is actually dangerous. Typing in your passcode is really not that hard. Just do that. Okay? Okay. 

2. If you are male and above the age of 50 this one especially applies to you. Do not, under any circumstance, call a female cashier by the word “sweetheart.” Sure, you might think it’s sweet but it’s not. The end. 

3. This one is also for the male over 50s in particular. Let’s say you’re in Andy’s Local Market and you spill a container of blueberries. Do not look around to see if anyone saw and promptly walk away. But even more importantly, once you see a twenty year old cashier cleaning up your blueberry spill, DO NOT slip a five dollar bill in her pocket. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good tip. But just hand it to me sir. 

4. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see people being mean to waiters when the food isn’t right. Waiters are so overworked and it’s literally not their fault (most of the time). Well now I have a new pet peeve: yelling at cashiers for overpriced groceries. I literally have the least control over the fact that local cage free eggs are $9. There’s a reason I exclusively shop at Trader Joe’s. 

5. This is one that applies to all retail and unfortunately I was victim to before working in retail myself. If a store closes at 8:00, it closes at 8:00. If you make it in the doors at 7:58, gleefully shout “I made it” and then proceed to do a week’s worth of grocery shopping I will be less than pleased. All I want to do after an eight hour shift in a mask is get the freak out of Andy’s, not wait until you’ve finished your grocery shopping. I think the most important takeaway from this blog post is that retail employees are people too. Just think about that every time you want to do a shopping spree one minute before a store closes. 

6. Do not under any circumstance come into Andy’s wasted. That’s it. Thanks. 

7. When you’re waiting in line, do not pull your mask down, open a bag of snackies you just bought and start eating them. Sure, this was fine to do before coronavirus but for your health and mine please do not get saliva on your fingers which you will then use to pay me for these snackies. When there’s a vaccine, you all can go back to snacking in line. But please, not right now, just wait until you get in the car. And for your own good, wash your hands first. Grocery store shoppers are gross. 

8. Speaking of grocery store shoppers being gross, if you’re paying in cash DO NOT lick your fingers in order to separate your twenty dollar bills that you will then hand to me, which I will then hand to someone else. I literally still get nauseous thinking about that experience.

9. Let’s say you’re going to Andy’s to get a nice sandwich for lunch. Do not tell a cashier to call the manager and then tell the manager that the Deli employees need to change their gloves EVERY TIME they touch something. Just think about that for a second. Yes, I understand being cautious about the virus but that is just insane. If you are that worried about the virus that much just make your own damn sandwich. 

10. I’ve now typed up the list that I wrote down on the back of the receipt but I feel like I need to get this to an even ten so here’s my last rule: just be a decent person. The pandemic is hard on everyone, but it is especially hard on frontline workers who are literally putting their lives at risk in order to get you your $9 eggs. I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to find another job that did not involve putting my family at risk but not everyone has that option. The world will be a better place if we can all be a little bit more kind to everyone. 

Finding the Joy in Saying Goodbye

Last night I had a dream. I was back at Wesleyan. I was packing up the piece of my room that I always leave until the last minute, the pink sheets that my grandma bought for me, the gold polka dotted comforter that my mom and I found at Target, and the pillows that have seen tears and smiles and hugs and friends. In this dream, I was screaming and crying and telling my dad that I didn’t want to leave. Handing my dad those last few items that made my little dorm room feel like home while tears strolled down my face felt more real than any dream I’ve had in a long time. I woke up with the feeling of having awoken to a nightmare. 

It is no coincidence that I had this dream just a few days after finishing finals, after hitting the halfway mark of my college career.  It wasn’t until I awoke from this nightmare that I realized I had not given myself the time to process the loss of the last few months of sophomore year and the fear of what lies ahead. ּBetween online classes, working at Andy’s, and adjusting to a new life in Marin, I did not allow myself to be sad. I am a person who always looks at the glass half full. When I had to come home from a school that I love with all my heart early, I thought to myself, “well at least I can get a job,” and “at least I can spend valuable time with my family.” But I was so busy trying to see the good, that I forgot how to be sad. I didn’t give myself the space to cry, to listen to Rivers and Roads while staring out the window, to think about what could have been. 

When I was a freshman in high school, I started cognitive behavioral therapy to treat separation anxiety. At the start of the year I could not spend one night away from parents without panic attacks and a come pick me up call. But by the end of the year I got on a bus to a five day overnight in Los Angeles with my school. And a year later (after a lot more therapy) I went to Nicaragua with URJ Mitzvah Corps. But even then, never in my wildest dreams, could I have imagined attending a university 4,000 miles away from my parents. It took hard work to get myself to Wesleyan and I am grateful and proud of myself everyday that I put in that work, to live independently and create my own little world away from the Jewish Bay Area that had been my home for so many years. 

Wesleyan has been the absolute best place for me. Orientation was really, really hard and the adjustment back to campus after breaks was always a challenge but overall, I had pretty much gotten this whole living independently thing down. And then after Thanksgiving Break of my Sophomore year, my mental health went south. I had panic attacks like I had never felt before and couldn’t do the things that had been so simple and enjoyable just weeks or even days earlier. All I wanted was to be home, watching Netflix in the living room with my parents. It got so bad that my incredible mother flew out to Connecticut to get me through what felt like the longest finals week in the world. But then I came home for Winter break. And I got better. I started taking anti-anxiety meds. I read self help books, ran everyday, and I learned for the first time what real self-care feels like. I went back to campus in January a stronger version of myself.  And it was glorious. I enjoyed every midnight drive to the 24 hour diner, every late night in the library, and country music, smoothie blending mornings with my roommate. Things were so good that I even went to Spain for Spring Break with two of my best friends. I had never been more independent in my life. There is no version of my past self that could have imagined future Shayna having the courage and friends to go on such an adventure. 

And then I had to say goodbye. To Spain, to Wesleyan, to my friends, and to my independence. There were days in my first week of orientation, or even this past December, that I would have given anything for a global pandemic to send me home to the loving arms of my parents. But on March 12th, 2020, I was not ready to say goodbye. But say goodbye I did, to the pink sheets that my grandma bought for me, the gold polka dotted comforter that my mom and I found at Target, and the pillows that have seen tears and smiles and hugs and friends.

I wish I hadn’t had to say goodbye. But I am so grateful to miss that place in the middle of nowhere Connecticut. The tears that will eventually fall and the sadness that remains for the memories never made, are signs of courage, of growth, of a woman unafraid. 

So maybe last night’s dream was a nightmare, and truthfully the reality of moving out of my dorm that day back in March was just as horrifying and scary and sad. But thank God it was. 

Grocery Stories

It’s been such a long time since I’ve gotten the chance to write. That’s putting it nicely. I was very lazy and did not want to write unless I really really had to. I turned in two papers over a week late so there was no way I would be writing for fun. But now it’s almost the end of my sophomore year at Zoom University and I’ve spent a lot of today thinking and reflecting so I thought it might be a good idea to put some things to paper. 

Working at Andy’s market has been my saving grace through all of this. I love the day to day drama that goes on in grocery stores these days. It’s also just been so nice to have coworkers become friends. I feel so lucky to no longer be socially isolated. I look forward to going to work because it means interacting with humans below the age of 50 (sorry Ima and dad). 

One day at work I thought it would be a good idea to take notes on all the funny things that happened so I could write about them in my next blog post. That was one month ago. It turns out when I write everything down there’s less of an urgency to write a blog post before I forget everything. So I won’t be doing that again. But I will be sharing the blog post that was supposed to come out of those scribbles a month ago. It will sound appropriate for a blog post the day after passover ended because it was supposed to be written the day after Passover ended. Just pretend you’re reading this a month ago. Okay? I’m really writing all these blog posts for future me to look back on and future me isn’t going to know the difference between April and May. Well now she will. Sorry future Shayna. I tried.

Important note: My original notes include writing a paragraph about farting due to all the Matzah consumption. Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t write this a month ago because in hindsight that is disgusting and you do not want to read about that. So you’re welcome. No fart paragraph for you. 

Everyday there seems to be a new item that everyone is buying in a panic. First it was toilet paper, then yeast, then flour, and today, bread. I don’t really understand that one. Yes I understand the need for toilet paper and boy do I relate to stress baking but nobody stress makes sandwiches. Maybe parents are just really dependent on PB&J’s right now. This bread craze was especially challenging for me as the day that it happened was two days before the end of passover so I still could not eat bread. And I had to hold it in my hands, scan it, and hand it to someone else who got to eat it. Don’t even get me started on all the people who bought pizza fresh out of the oven. Gosh darn them and their incredible smelling pizza. 

I’m learning so much about vegetables. Who knew there were so many kinds of apples? Probably all the people who live on the East Coast and went apple picking every year of their childhood. I feel deprived. Actually, I got to grow up in California, I’m over it. I also learned that there’s a difference between yams and sweet potatoes!! This one was a huge shocker to me. Like maybe earth shattering. Did other people know this??? Please let me know. I’m not over it and this happened a month ago. 

I’ve become excellent at walking back and forth behind my register. It’s my new cardio. I’m not kidding, my Fitbit tells me I get over 10,000 steps the days that I’m at work. I have to beat my mom in our daily step battles somehow and this seems like the best solution. Also the store plays really good music so sometimes my walking back and forth turns into a little bit of a bopping back and forth. I surely entertain whoever watches the security camera footage. So I did not lie that the store plays really good music, BUT it is the same music every single day. When I first started working I told one of my coworkers how much I loved the playlist. Then he said, “give it a few weeks.” Oh boy was he right. I might rip my ears off if I have to hear Lean on Me one more time. But on the bright side, when I listen to them a few year from now, all these songs will bring me right back to this time in my life.

On a completely unrelated note, my new favorite pastime is reading bad reviews of Andy’s on next door. They are so funny and unfortunately so accurate. Man, next door is brutal. I will never piss off any of my neighbors. There was one thread about the $70 toilet paper and whether that was price gouging. I learned from the source (Andy) that they were not, that’s just how much toilet paper costs now but man, people have VERY strong feelings about toilet paper prices. 

Another popular item right now, as you can probably imagine, is alcohol. Also the carding with masks on has not gotten easier. The other day I carded a 44 year old man. With his mask on he looked like a child. I hope he saw the shock on my face when I saw the year 1976 on his ID. I also hope he took it as a compliment.  I have learned way too much about my customers’ drinking habits. They feel a need to defend their alcohol purchases. My favorite defense that I’ve heard so many times is “all I can do right now is sit on the couch and drink beer.” Like I get it but also, there are so many other things you could be doing other than sitting on your couch and drinking beer. Like you do you, drink all you want, but don’t try to defend yourself by telling me there’s literally nothing else you can do. Maybe go for a walk. Watch a movie. Play a game. You could even sit on the couch and drink some nice bubbly water instead. If you’re going to sit on your couch and drink beer all day (which tbh I would do if I was 21 and didn’t have to go to school) just buy the beer and walk out of the store. 

Well that’s enough ranting for now. Hopefully my next post will be in less than a month from now. Stay well and as I say to all of my customers because I never know what time of day it is "have a good one."

Some Passover Reflections

As yesterday was the last day of passover, I thought I’d share some thoughts with you about how passover felt this year for me. I thought this post was going to be a dvar torah kind of thing but I have a feeling it will just be me ranting. I guess I can count this as Rabbi practice. 

Here’s why this was the weirdest Passover ever: for the first time in recorded history I didn’t want passover to end. I took that first bite of pizza last night and it didn’t taste like the best thing I’d eaten in my life as it usually does all other years. In fact, I woke up this morning wanting it to still be Passover. After all, we had enough matzah to last us at least another week. 

So why did I want passover to go on forever this year?  One word: normalcy

My Seder was beautiful, with family near and far gathered on zoom to interrupt each other and talk over one another just like real life. It was amazing to share a Seder with grandparents in Los Angeles and even a cousin in Hong Kong. My grandparents said it was the best seder we’ve ever had. And while the family did provide some good laughs, what felt so incredible to me about the Seder was the orderliness, the knowledge of what was coming next. One of the hardest things for me about this pandemic is the uncertainty. Will I be able to work my job this summer? Will I be able to study abroad next year? Will students be allowed back to campus in the Fall? When will I see my friends again? It will be awhile before I know the answers to these questions. But sitting at that Seder, knowing that we were on קרפס, knowing that יחץ came next, gave me a sense of comfort I have not felt in a long time. I didn’t know what would happen the next day, or the day after, or the day after, but I did know that after we ate the bitter herbs, it was time for the Hillel sandwich. I thought about all the years that I have done the exact same Seder order, on the exact same day (of the Hebrew calendar), and it gave me comfort to know that no matter what crazy thing is happening in the world, no matter what happens, we will always open the door for Elijah, we will always sing a terrible rendition of Dayeinu, and we will always say בשנה הבאה בירושלים 

I know that objectively Matzah does not taste good. And every other year  I have believed that. But let me tell you what my Matzah tasted like this year. It didn’t taste like slavery, or oppression, or wandering through the desert. My dad’s Matzoh Brei tasted like my grandparents’ kitchen the day after the seder. Matzah and peanut butter sandwiches tasted like waiting in line for the Indiana jones ride with my best friends every year when we went to Disneyland over spring break. Matzah farfel with milk and sugar tasted like midnight snacks after watching prince of Egypt for the hundredth time. I guess you could say, Matzah tasted like freedom. And I didn’t want to stop tasting it. It’s hard to remember a time when we could hug, dance, share food, walk into stores, or go to a friend’s house. But maybe, just maybe, you can find something that tastes like normal. 

The World from Behind a Cash Register

It’s been awhile since I’ve visited this here blog. So much has happened since, in my life and in the world. I am grateful to be establishing a bit of a routine and to be in a place where I am accepting this as the new normal. 

In the time since I last wrote here, Tiger King has replaced Love is Blind as the most discussed TV show on the internet, but more importantly, I have started a job working as a cashier at Andy’s Local Market. It’s a great place and I am so happy to be working for such a worthy cause. If you’re in the San Rafael area, come by and say hi and pick up a roll of toilet paper or two. But just two. We have a two rolls of toilet paper limit per customer. The other day I informed a nice older woman that she could only buy two of the ten rolls of toilet paper she had places to my register. She promptly asked me why she could only buy two. I seriously thought she was kidding. She actually did not know about the toilet paper shortage. I would really like to know what rock she is living under. And if I could get a spot under there. If she doesn’t know about the toilet paper shortage there must be so many other things she is blissfully avoiding! Maybe I should have told her about this thing called Corona virus. Oh well it’s too late. And maybe her life is better without that knowledge. 

I’ve been meeting some pretty funny characters throughout this experience. I most always end up talking to customers about the virus. I try to calm them down with phrases such as “we’re all hanging in there” or “as long as everyone stays home this too shall pass” or “this is all just temporary.” One slightly older than middle aged man responded to my this is all temporary aim at good spirits with a “not for me. There’s no way I will live through this. It’s okay. I’ve had a good life.” Oof. That is not what I signed up for. “Have a great day sir.”

For those of you who are concerned about me working at a grocery store, thank you very much for your concern. Don’t worry, we are taking all the precautions to keep employees and customers safe. I wear gloves and a mask whenever I am in the store. I really hate wearing a mask. And I haven’t been able to share this frustration because I know that I have to for the good of society so I’m going to take this opportunity to rant about how much I hate wearing a mask. You can all judge me for this but really you should be thanking me for courageously leaving my house everyday in order to help you get food on your plates. Anyways, the mask. I would like to formally apologize to everyone I have been within 6 feet of in the past twenty years. No, not because of corona virus silly, that’s only been around for a few months. Because wow my breath smells horrible. Having both my mouth and my nose contained in such a small space causes the smell of my breath to go directly to my nose. It is truly revolting. And nobody else in the store seems to have this problem so it appears it’s just me and my breath. Again, sorry everyone. As many of you know but definitely does not come off as such in this blog, I’m very soft spoken. I know. Shocker. And now with that plus the mask I am trying extra hard to speak loudly. I feel like I’m yelling at everyone “DO YOU NEED YOUR RECEIPT” but then I feel like I’m spitting on everyone, oh but it’s okay I’m wearing a mask, but oh no now I’m smelling my spit. Gross. It’s just a mess. Something fun I’ve had to learn to do is ask people for their IDs when they are purchasing alcohol. I still don’t totally understand how it can be legal for me (a twenty year old) to be selling alcohol. If you know please let me know so my anxieties can be calmed. I’m usually really bad at guessing people’s ages/if I need to card them. You know what makes it even easier to tell how old somebody is? If they are wearing a mask that is covering 75% of their face. I’ve decided to err on the side of over carding and I guess that could make some carded old people happy. So all in all I guess it’s a win but also those masks just make everything harder. They especially make Apple Pay face recognition very challenging. Can someone put in a request for Apple to make eye recognition technology? Thanks. Okay now I’m done shit-talking masks. I know that they are very important and that they are saving many lives and that we should all wear them when we leave the house blah blah blah. 

We are also wearing gloves to keep ourselves and customers healthy. That makes it really hard to get coins out of my drawer. Everyone in the store must think I’m really bad at math because it takes me so long to get them their change. But truthfully, I am very bad at math. At least mental math. If you were one of my elementary school teachers, please stop reading now. Just go ahead and skip to the next paragraph. I never stopped counting on my fingers. Even when we had mental math tests and I wasn’t allowed to, I  would just count on them without moving them so nobody could see. I was such a rebel! Anyways, karma is really biting me in the butt because these are numbers I can’t count on my fingers. 25 + 25 + 10 + 10 + 5 + 3 = … At least I have the gloves as an excuse for my slow counting. 

Speaking of money, I have never been more shocked by the wealth of Marin county. You would not believe how many people will pay $69.99 for a pack of toilet paper. You read that right: $69.99. You’re probably thinking, well I guess if somebody is really desperate it makes sense. But need I remind you that you can buy two rolls of toilet paper at a time for only $2.50. Anybody who has an immediate need for 32 industrial size rolls of toilet paper, probably has some other issues that need to be addressed. If you are one of those people that paid that much money for toilet paper, I have no regrets. You need to seriously rethink your decision making skills. 

One woman called me on the phone and asked me to put aside paper towels for her. We are also selling those individually, but there is no limit. I asked her how many rolls she would like me to reserve. She said, “however many you can get me without seeming greedy.” I seriously did not know what to do with that amount. Please comment how many you would have reserved for this nice woman on the phone. 2? 10? 30? 100? I went with however many I could fit in one paper bag, which was seven. I’m happy with that decision. I’m really doing god’s work over here deciding how many paper towel rolls is too many paper towel rolls. 

Overall, working at Andy’s has been such a great experience. I have great coworkers and I love meeting and talking to people in my neighborhood that I otherwise never would have interacted with (at a safe distance of course). But you know what I really don’t like. Holding entire dead chickens in my hands. They are very gross and slimy and strangely cold. Well I guess it would be worse if they were hot. But they are too cold. At least the gloves help a little. Maybe I’ll be wearing gloves while I do this even when this whole corona virus thing is over. As many barriers between me and the dead chicken as possible would be great. Can you tell I’m vegetarian? And had pet chickens? Every time somebody hands me a whole chicken to scan I can’t help put imagine Archie, Betty and Veronica, the chickens that used to reside in our backyard but now have a nice, beautiful home on a farm upstate. So if you’re coming in to visit me and buy two rolls (and two rolls only) of toilet paper, please consider not purchasing a whole, slimy, cold chicken. Thank you. 

Love Is Blind, EDT, and Japanese encephalitis

As the sign in my house that usually tells us what day of Hanukkah it is has alerted me, it is now day 9 of shelter in place, which means that I’ve officially run out of things to do so here I am writing for the blog again. I mean, I actually am enjoying being stuck in my house. I am very grateful to have an awesome family to be stuck with. Oh don’t worry we most definitely fight and annoy each other to no end. We were getting on each other’s nerves even before we made it home from the airport. But overall, we are learning how to give each other space and also have some family fun time. 

Speaking of family fun time, my mom and I have started watching Love is Blind. I know, I know, I told you last blog post that I had to finish watching Nashville. Well, no matter how many times I beg her my mom will not watch with me. She’s not really on board with my whole country music thing and she says “I have many shows to watch before I would watch Nashville.” It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m over it. Well lucky for her, I convinced her to watch Love is Blind with me instead. I can officially say it is the dumbest show I have ever seen in my life, which trust me is saying a lot. For those of you who are culturally illiterate, Love Is Blind is a dating show in which men have to propose to women before ever seeing them in real life. They date behind a wall. It is especially appropriate for our current situation because it’s kind of like they’re dating in quarantine! Maybe I could find a husband during this whole shelter in place thing. That would be a very good use of my time. You know what’s not a good use of my time? Watching Love Is Blind. It’s frying my brain cells faster than my Zoom classes are restoring them. My mom and I (after about one episode) decided that whenever we watch the show we also have to be working on a puzzle just to keep that mind sharp. 

The guilt I feel while watching Love Is Blind is equivalent to the guilt I feel while scrolling through a new Facebook group I have found called MeetJew University. The premise is that you (or a friend) posts a paragraph or two about you along with some pictures and other people on the page can message you to set up a zoom date. There is also a survey where you can get matched with someone and go on a blind zoom date. It is truly one of the weirdest things the Jews have ever done. But honestly, I’m not upset about it. The only thing I want to do after a long day of staring at my computer doing homework (which is what I call all of my work now) is scroll through a page of NJBs and NJGs trying to find husbands and wives. See, I actually could find a husband while sheltering in place. It’s like real life Love Is Blind only it’s not at all blind. I use this page for the sole purpose of finding out which of my old classmates have broken up with their significant others. 

In case you are thinking “Wow is Shayna doing anything productive with her time?” Don’t worry the answer is yes. It’s just a lot less interesting than the incredibly unproductive things I have done with my time. Here’s something that will cancel out a few hours of brain cell loss watching Love Is Blind: Charlotte (you remember her, the second most rational one in the friend group) taught me that PST is different than PDT and that we are currently in PDT. Let me explain. I have been doing A LOT of scheduling of Zoom calls. This has been extremely challenging as pretty much all of my friends live on the East Coast and I am very bad at math. I know that all I have to do is subtract three hours but it’s hard for me okay? So I have been doing a lot of writing out PST and EST when making plans. Thank god for Charlotte who finally explained to me that since we are on daylights savings it is Eastern DAYLIGHT time, not Eastern standard time. Pretty crazy stuff. Get ready for me to get super annoyed if you mess this up. See? I told you I’m learning something. 

Speaking of learning something, yes I am still in all of my classes. Three of them are being taught via Zoom and two of them are asynchronous as they say these days. My favorite thing about zoom is the thumbs up and raise hand feature. Now instead of actually raising my hand or actually giving a thumbs up I can press a button that will tell everyone on the call that I’m raising my hand or giving a thumbs up. Technology has come so far my friends. 

I even taught my K-2 Hebrew School class over Zoom. It was actually amazing. That mute feature is a game changer. Scientists should invent something like that for real life. If a kid in class is talking too much you just press a button and mute them for awhile. That came out worse than it sounded in my head. Well, I taught them about Passover and made a pyramid out of q-tips. Yes, it has come to that. Next Sunday we’re going to talk about what it means to be free in times like these. I’m really looking forward to hearing what my students have to say. There, did that sound nicer? 

(Get ready for me to casually slip a total brag into a paragraph that is literally not at all related to the thing I’m bragging about). Today I learned that I won an award for best paper in Jewish Studies from Wesleyan. The prize for this award is $250 so I started thinking about what I wanted to spend my money on. Also I start a new job working at my local market on Sunday (wow look I fit another brag in there) which means I’ll start having more money in my bank account. My first thought was buying an elliptical because I used to go on the elliptical at the school gym everyday before class (look at that another brag I’m amazing) and I’ve been really trying to bring my school routines home. But then I remembered that I live in California and not Connecticut. I know, it’s crazy. I can just walk out my door and start running. I don’t have to worry about slipping on black ice or getting frost bite.  So I’ve been running a lot. That’s been really nice and a good way to escape my family when their chewing is getting a little bit too loud. 

Also remember how last blog I said I was going to start using that moisturizer that the dermatologist told me to buy a million years ago? Well guess what? I have! And it works so well. My hands have returned to their previous level of softness. If only somebody would have told me about this years ago. Oh wait… And on the subject of using things I’m supposed to be using that I’ve never actually used, I’ve started wearing my glasses again! “Shayna, you don’t have glasses,” is probably what you’re saying to yourself right now. Good point reader. And thank you for paying attention to my face. Well, I do have reading glasses due to my far sidedness. When the eye doctor gave them to me he said I really only need to wear them if I am spending more than six hours looking at a computer screen. “That will never happen” I said to him. Well I also never thought there would be a global pandemic that shut down all major establishments including my university and made everyone stay inside for an extended period of time and yet here we are. So yes, I’m finally getting to put my glasses to use. I’ve been spending every minute from when I wake up for my 7:20 am class (thanks time difference) until I go to sleep staring at my computer screen. If you want to see how cute I look in my glasses, just find yourself the link to one of the million Zoom calls I am on everyday. 

Another fun thing that I’ve got to spend a lot of time on is applying to study abroad. It’s crazy to imagine going abroad for a whole semester in just a few months but I decided to continue with my application and pray that the world will be healed by the Fall. I found out yesterday that I got into my program (yay!). It’s a multi-site program that goes to Chile, Nepal, and Jordan. In order for the university to approve my studying abroad, I have to read and sign forms, which include all of the risks of going abroad to these countries. I’ve decided that my new favorite pastime is reading about all the fun diseases I could contract in these countries. Nothing makes Corona Virus seem irrelevant like the thought of getting Japanese encephalitis and Dengue fever. Ima, if you’re reading this please still let me go abroad!!

Oh and I thought of something really funny that I forgot to put in my last blog post. The last day in Spain, we spent the morning at the Alhambra and then did a lot of shopping to try to use up some of our Euros. It was a crazy day of so many mixed emotions as we tried to enjoy our last day in Spain in such a beautiful place while also thinking about having to pack up our dorms and say goodbye to all our friends and the place that we love so much. And then a bird pooped on my head. And it got really in my hair. There is no world in which I deserved to have that happen to me at that moment. Like literally any other time would have been fine universe. And I couldn’t even take a shower because we had already checked out of our hostel. And we didn’t have towels but that’s a story for another day. Actually it’s a story in the vlog. Just watch the Vlog. The vlog explains everything. 

THE VLOG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrPXwzur4TE&fbclid=IwAR0xNarfTJogfIbW2V4JSficjXfKv5yfe4sJsKADYdESnlLlDotyr1OmuRI

Welcome

Hello friends (or internet randos). Welcome to my blog. I’m currently at 30,000 feet. Flying from Connecticut to California in the midst of a global pandemic. My grandma told me to keep a journal in this crazy time we’re living in and I thought that was a great idea so I’m taking her advice. But I’m putting it in blog form because we live in a world in which nothing happened unless it’s been posted on the internet. This is truly an unprecedented time in my life (not just because of the internet thing) and I’m pretty sure in all of history. Maybe it’s like the plague but I don’t know, I wasn’t alive for that. Luckily we’ve come a lot further since the plague in medicine and technology. Now we can all shut ourselves in our houses for weeks on end. I’m not sure what this will turn into but for now it will be place to record stories and thoughts. 

Why I Thought I Had Corona Virus

As many of you hopefully already know one of the symptoms of corona virus is shortness of breath. You know what else shortness of breath is a symptom of? Anxiety. So the more I have trouble breathing the more I think I have corona which makes me hyperventilate more which makes me even more sure that I have COVID 19. It’s truly a terrible cycle. Is it a cycle? I don’t know. Either way it’s terrible. So I’m writing here to calm some of those anxieties and to try to have some fun with the stress of the world we live in right now. Whether you’re bored at home with nothing to do or procrastinating doing work because now you work from home and nobody’s watching or you’re one of my parents friends that found this because I tagged them in it, this is for you. Enjoy :) since you’re hopefully in this for the long haul I thought I’d introduce you to some of the characters involved. 

My parents: Marc and Marci, the two best people I know and my rocks through this whole thing. 

Tessa: the most rational member of the friend group called Españamigas 

Charlotte: the second most rational member of the friend group 

Megan: just as irrational as I am. Perhaps even more. 

Lilly: The person who I stole two of these ideas/jokes from. You’ll never know which ones. 

Trying Not to Touch My Face (and Southwest Pretzels)

Oh no I just touched my face. At the beginning I was really good at not touching my face but it’s just gotten harder to keep it up. That’s a lie. I was never good at it. We tried a don’t touch your face for a week challenge. I could barely last ten minutes. If I’ve learned anything from this experience it’s how much I mindlessly touch my face. One thing I have been doing is washing my hands like a maniac. My hands are so dry, in so much pain, and literally bleeding. But it’s so worth it. Someone has to invent a moisturizing Purell. That probably already exists. And it’s probably already sold out in every store in the country. Maybe I’ll finally get to use the giant bucket of moisturizer the dermatologist told me to buy three years ago that is still untouched. 

The flight attendant just handed me a bag of pretzels. That got me thinking about all the leftover pretzels they’re going to have because nobody is flying anymore. Hopefully they can distribute the millions of bags of pretzels to people who are stuck in their homes and need food. They could just drop them out of the plane and hopefully some would land on doorsteps. Southwest pretzels could most definitely last me for months in isolation. God knows they’ve lasted longer in my mom’s purse. Anyways, our flight is so insanely empty. Megan and I have multiple rows to ourselves. Thank god they didn’t cancel this flight. I might have never made it back to California. And we just got an email from dean mike that said leave campus ASAP. Stay tuned to find out how I got here. Although all my readers are definitely people that already know how I got here (aka my parents, Megan, and Charlotte. Maybe just maybe my sister). Either way please read my next post. 

Spain! (In a nutshell)

Let me back up a bit. So my spring semester of sophomore years was going just dandy. I really liked all my classes, I had just bought a new magic bullet and was killing the smoothie game, and I finally got my roommate obsessed with country music. Even better I had plans to go to Spain with three friends for Spring Break. The week leading up to the trip was full of corona chatter as people in New York and California started testing positive. Tessa backed out of the trip which obviously made us sad at the time but looking back was such a valid, rational decision. But I was hell bent on going. Nothing would stop me. “It’s fine” I told myself “worst case scenario we get quarantined for two weeks when we get home” and my parents were on board too. Oh boy did my worst case become the best case scenario. But I’ll get there. So the three of us: me, Megan, and Charlotte got on a plane to Madrid. We had an amazing time in Madrid with Rick Steves leading us through the city. And nobody was worried about Corona or even talking about. Hell, people were still making out on the street. If I’ve learned anything through this experience it’s that Europeans are terrible at social distancing. We even participated in a women’s march. They were yelling chants in Spanish so as far as I knew they could have been saying “we want corona we want corona.” Which is basically what it meant to be walking through the streets of Madrid with thousands of other people chanting so loud that your spit lands on everyone around you. Oh boy did Spain regret that march. If you want to hear/see more of our Spain adventure stay tuned for our ridiculous vlog that I will be putting many hours into because I have nothing better to do in this time of self quarantining. Well actually Megan made a list of things to do in quarantine that are way better uses of time than making a vlog. They include learning Esperanto, learning how to harmonize, learning how to beat box, and learning American Sign language. But oh well. I will be spending two weeks on iMovie. So our last day in Madrid our friend who we were visiting told us that her school was shutting down for two weeks. And that’s when things got real bad real fast. Our god send parents back home bought us back up flights for a few days earlier than expected “just in case.” But Megan and I were set on staying the full two weeks. Charlotte (the second most rational one in the group) was content to go home early. Then we got on a train for Granada, a city in the only province in Spain without any recorded cases of Corona. A nice woman we met in the Zara Home store told us that Granada has a history of avoiding pandemics having avoided the plague. Legend has it that it’s because of all the beer they drink and weed they smoke. I don’t know if I buy it but you do you Granada. By then rumors were flying about Wesleyan getting shut down. Other liberal arts schools on the East Coast were doing so and many of my friends were convinced that Wesleyan would follow suit. Again, Megan Charlotte and I were sure that this would not happen. Worst case scenario, we said, we’ll stay at school but take classes on line for two weeks. They only need to protect the professors right? WRONG. We continued our Spain adventures and went for a walk to a beautiful view point with the wackiest rag tag group of hostel dwellers. As I watched the sun set over the Spanish mountains with two of my best friends in the world (and some other hostel randos) I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude and awe at this incredible life I get to live. And then everything went to shit. When we got back to the hostel for 10 euro paella night we received the email from President Michael Roth that Wesleyan would be shutting down and that we had one weeks to move out. We tried to make it through paella night without crying in front of the hostel randos but that proved impossible so we said adios and went to sleep, after many calls to our parents of course. A fun part of this was that as all this was going on my incredible mother was at a nice spa in Arizona with some of her girlfriends. So every time I called with news like “corona is bad in Madrid” or “my school is shutting down” or “there’s a travel ban on everyone coming back from Europe” she would respond with a “off to cardio drumming” or “I have to go to my chocolate class. “ In one particular instance I was calling to tell her something important, I can’t  remember what it was right now but she convinced me she had to tell me her story first. “So I was going to my yoga class. And then I walked in and it was a Pilates class. So then I was like I don’t want to do Pilates that’s my worst nightmare so then I found someone else to do yoga with me and I had a two person yoga class!” Yes אמא that is the most important news of the day. But then again I don’t remember what I was calling to tell her but I do remember this little story so maybe the Pilates yoga mix up was truly the most important news for me to hear that day. But in all seriousness I am overwhelmingly grateful for my parents and how they have stayed so calm through this whole thing. What I most needed during all this was my mom’s humor and zen mode to rub off on me. And that it did. While some parents were freaking out mine were laying by the pool telling me to stay in Spain until the day I wouldn’t be let back into the United States. And boy did that day come sooner than expected. We woke up the morning after the paella night school closure nightmare to the news that trump had instituted a travel ban from Europe and we had to get home before Friday. It was Wednesday. Once again thank god for our parents back home. Charlotte’s dad got us on a flight home on Friday, train tickets to the airport, and an airport hotel to stay in the night before our flight. And all before we could even wake up. We would probably still be in Spain if it weren’t for Jeffrey Babbin. Luckily our tickets for the Alhambra were that morning so we got to enjoy one last day in Granada in one of the most beautiful places in the world. In an exciting turn of events when we got to our hotel room by the airport the power went out in our room only at one in the morning. Our collective Spanish could only tell the repair man “we cannot turn the lights on.” I bet he was thinking to himself, “are they really that dumb, you just press the light switch”. We got to the airport with an insane amount of time to spare. It was probably 90% full of college students who had been studying abroad in Madrid and needed to get home. Everyone must’ve thought that was the case for me Megan and Charlotte but we weren’t going to tell them we were frauds who had only been there for five days. Charlotte’s dad was only able to book us on three separate flights. And I was the lucky (or unlucky) one who got the flight with only one business class seat. Oh boy did I fill my bag with $5000 worth of snacks from the business lounge. And hopefully insurance will pay for that flight so basically it’s like I made money off this whole thing. Finally back in the US we trained it from New York to Connecticut which was definitely a bad idea but after flying in business class I could not fathom paying god knows how much for an Uber back to Wesleyan. I feel bad for the woman next to us who just wanted to commute home and had no idea she was sitting next to two teenagers who had just returned from a level 3 country. But alas we made it back. And I fell asleep at 8pm. Deepest night of sleep of my life. I spent the whole next day packing my dorm and probably got halfway through by the end of the day. My roommate, on the other hand, arrived at 1:30 and was packed up and ready to drive away by 4:00. I’m telling myself it’s because I had to put things in a storage unit but let’s be honest I have a lot more shit than she does and my shit is a lot less organized than hers. In any case after many trips to the storage unit with the trunk slightly ajar Megan and I  were all moved out. During all of this Charlotte returned home and remains self quarantined with her family. This corona virus thing is bringing staycation to a whole new level. 

My Car is Still in Connecticut

As many of you might know, last summer my mom and I drove my car across the country so I’d be able to have my car at school and be able to do things like drive to every pharmacy in Middletown to find a thermometer amidst a global pandemic. Thank you CVS for giving me the ability to take my temperature every ten minutes “just to make sure.” So far so good my friends. Anyways, we had this whole plan to drive my car back at the end of this year by way of the southern route. This was especially exciting for me as per my deep love for country music and my recent obsession with the tv show “Nashville.” No spoilers, I have a lot more episodes to watch whilst in quarantine. Well we decided that driving my car back to California right now is not the move. Probably not the best idea to tour the country under the circumstances. So we left it with Charlotte (thank you Charlotte!) who is going to give the key to a nice fella who will load it on a truck and drive it across the country as fast as possible. This meant driving my car (with Megan) (thanks Megan!) to Charlotte’s and then taking an Uber back to Wesleyan, which is a 35 minute ride on the rural roads of Connecticut. At 11:30. I ordered the Uber. And then I got the notification. Scott will be here soon in a pickup truck. He is known for friendly conversation. Let me tell you the last thing Megan and I wanted to do at 11:30 in rural Connecticut after a day of loading furniture and most of our belonging into a storage unit was get into a pickup truck and converse in a friendly manner. But alas we did and remain alive to tell the tale. This has truly been the craziest week of my life and I have no doubt that things will not calm down for a bit. But I’ll be in my room working on my vlog. Maybe even doing some zoom school. But the vlog comes first. The vlog always comes first.