I’m sorry to say (actually not that sorry tbh) that I am no longer working at Andy’s Local Market. I ended up getting a summer internship with the Jewish Federation of San Francisco and decided that getting paid San Francisco minimum wage to lay in bed on my computer all day would be much better than getting paid Marin minimum wage to bag groceries for the Marin moms of the world (no offense). Well I shouldn’t say no offense because this blog post is going to get real offensive. But if you’re offended by it then you deserve it and you need to take a serious look at yourself. Although it’s been a month or two since I last worked at Andy’s, I still have the receipt where I would write down all the annoying things customers did. I knew they would come in handy for a blog one day and today is that day. I present to you: How to not be an asshole in the grocery store (during a global pandemic and beyond). And yes, these are all based on real life events. I know! Shocking!
Do not pull your mask down so that your face can be read by your IPhone. Trust me, I love Apple Pay as much as the next guy. But pulling your mask below your chin so that your phone can read your face is just not the move during a pandemic. In fact, pulling your mask down when you’re inside and less than six feet away from the cashier defeats the whole point of wearing the mask in the first place and is actually dangerous. Typing in your passcode is really not that hard. Just do that. Okay? Okay.
If you are male and above the age of 50 this one especially applies to you. Do not, under any circumstance, call a female cashier by the word “sweetheart.” Sure, you might think it’s sweet but it’s not. The end.
This one is also for the male over 50s in particular. Let’s say you’re in Andy’s Local Market and you spill a container of blueberries. Do not look around to see if anyone saw and promptly walk away. But even more importantly, once you see a twenty year old cashier cleaning up your blueberry spill, DO NOT slip a five dollar bill in her pocket. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good tip. But just hand it to me sir.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see people being mean to waiters when the food isn’t right. Waiters are so overworked and it’s literally not their fault (most of the time). Well now I have a new pet peeve: yelling at cashiers for overpriced groceries. I literally have the least control over the fact that local cage free eggs are $9. There’s a reason I exclusively shop at Trader Joe’s.
This is one that applies to all retail and unfortunately I was victim to before working in retail myself. If a store closes at 8:00, it closes at 8:00. If you make it in the doors at 7:58, gleefully shout “I made it” and then proceed to do a week’s worth of grocery shopping I will be less than pleased. All I want to do after an eight hour shift in a mask is get the freak out of Andy’s, not wait until you’ve finished your grocery shopping. I think the most important takeaway from this blog post is that retail employees are people too. Just think about that every time you want to do a shopping spree one minute before a store closes.
Do not under any circumstance come into Andy’s wasted. That’s it. Thanks.
When you’re waiting in line, do not pull your mask down, open a bag of snackies you just bought and start eating them. Sure, this was fine to do before coronavirus but for your health and mine please do not get saliva on your fingers which you will then use to pay me for these snackies. When there’s a vaccine, you all can go back to snacking in line. But please, not right now, just wait until you get in the car. And for your own good, wash your hands first. Grocery store shoppers are gross.
Speaking of grocery store shoppers being gross, if you’re paying in cash DO NOT lick your fingers in order to separate your twenty dollar bills that you will then hand to me, which I will then hand to someone else. I literally still get nauseous thinking about that experience.
Let’s say you’re going to Andy’s to get a nice sandwich for lunch. Do not tell a cashier to call the manager and then tell the manager that the Deli employees need to change their gloves EVERY TIME they touch something. Just think about that for a second. Yes, I understand being cautious about the virus but that is just insane. If you are that worried about the virus that much just make your own damn sandwich.
I’ve now typed up the list that I wrote down on the back of the receipt but I feel like I need to get this to an even ten so here’s my last rule: just be a decent person. The pandemic is hard on everyone, but it is especially hard on frontline workers who are literally putting their lives at risk in order to get you your $9 eggs. I feel incredibly blessed to have been able to find another job that did not involve putting my family at risk but not everyone has that option. The world will be a better place if we can all be a little bit more kind to everyone.
